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Further, to go from a "relatively small problem" (palmar hyperhidrosis) and superior health to a condition so destructive in the time span of one day (August 19, 1994) has been impossible to accept. I do know that the 11+ months since the operation have been virtually intolerable, with daily grief, sadness, and pain the likes of which most people could never imagine. My goals, aspirations, and the hard work that have gone into obtaining these things have been wiped-out by this condition. I have experienced depression and sadness that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. My current condition is in stark contrast to my physical and emotional state prior to the surgery, which was characterized by an intense joy and passion for life derived from accomplishment, success, and happiness. Clearly, under my current condition, this is no way to live a life, let alone derive any semblance of happiness or enjoyment. I am merely living a day-to-day existence, rather than a fulfilling, rewarding life. I would, wthout question, prefer to have a terminal illness than have this condition. At least with a terminal illness there is a forseeable end to the pain and suffering. With this condition there is no end. The thought of trying to live 1, 2, 5 or 10 years under these brutal conditions, let alone the rest of my life, is beyond my limits of coping and acceptance. I feel that under current conditions, it is simply a matter of time before the pain, indignity, embarrassment, and overall deterioration in the quality of life caused by this insidious condition lead to the premature end of what would have been a long, healthy life. My ability to further tolerate this punishment will determine just how long I can surive before finally succumbing to the physical and mental deterioration caaused by this condition. I hope that, at the very least, others may learn from the inhumanly barbaric, devastatingly tragic outcome that I have faced. This surgery is far from a panacea, and has led to the complete and total destruction of my previously rewarding and cherished life. | |